some stuff about timing

I'll start off bluntly: I really want to be a mom.
And it seems like literally every woman in my life who is roughly my age and married for more than a year is a mom/pregnant, and it's kinda hard.

Or a lot hard.

I'm being pretty transparent for a blog, and I think that's ok.

My mom called me last week to tell me that a daughter of her friend that I've known forever is pregnant, basically completing the pregnant army that my age bracket in TN has become, while I was fighting an ant invasion. I was already kind of feeling like a failure of a homeowner because there were ants in my house, which I know is dumb because ants happen.  But I was already feeling kind of bad because of it. And also they were coming out of a crack in the countertop that was very thin, so the spray radius of the Raid can was too wide, so I was spraying it into a cup and pouring the contents of said cup into the crack.  Basically raining fiery vengeance down on these ants, like an avenging goddess of war.

And mom calls, and tells me someone else is pregnant, and I start crying about how everyone else is creating life in their uterus and I am pouring poison on an ant colony.

And mom is understandably taken aback.

I'm trying to trust the timing. Regardless of the timeline that anyone else is operating on, Caleb and I haven't been married that long, and we like being able to randomly pick up and leave and go on a trip without worrying about anything, and not stress out completely over finances because it's just the two of us, and all the other wonderfulness that comes with being married and childless.

And, yet.

It's hard, to see (what seems like) everyone move on to the next step.  It's not like we couldn't, we just think that we should wait for a while.  And it's a smart, informed decision.

But the cute preggo bellies and the instagram babies and all that jazz is still hard.

I'm trusting the Lord's timing. I'm trying not to let hormones get the best of me.

Trusting timing can be hard.  I'm working on it.